[{"content":"In a 2012 interview, Dr. Patrick Carnes (the man who coined the term sex addiction) related a story about a patient who had been exposed to pornographic pictures as a young boy, and that man would continue to seek out the same kinds of pornography he saw in those pictures for years. Dr. Carnes stated that this man\u0026rsquo;s emotional development was stunted at the age when he first encountered those pictures and continued to seek them out. 1\nThis account is the general inspiration for Drew Boa\u0026rsquo;s book, Outgrow Porn. Drew believes the reason why porn is so hard for men to quit is because the little boy inside the man hasn\u0026rsquo;t grown up. The porn the boy discovered way back when is still a reliable solution for that boy to fall back on when life gets hard. Drew\u0026rsquo;s thesis in Outgrow Porn is that porn isn\u0026rsquo;t something that anyone quits but rather something that you outgrow in the same way you outgrow a pacifier. This outgrowing process can only happen through a series of healing steps.\n\u0026ldquo;Heal the Boy to Free the Man\u0026rdquo; This is the title of the book\u0026rsquo;s first chapter, and can rightly summarize all pages that follow to the closing cover. Why do you need to heal the boy? Because porn is essentially a relational injury or wound.\nIn the primary relationship of God \u0026amp; Man, all sins are a relational wound but sins involving porn and self-abuse (masturbation) are worse than most others. Sacramental marriage is meant to let man experience a unity modeled after the Divine Trinity. When husband and wife become one flesh, they become an indissoluble and life-giving unity.\nPorn and self-abuse appropiate the sexual function and use it like a weapon to make a man feel lonely and isolated instead of loved and connected. Maybe this is what the man secretly wants, because the boy is relationally wounded by other people, and is afraid to be close to or trust others.\nIn Catholic tradition, masturbation has always been called the sin of self-abuse. This is easy to understand in context of the previous point about marriage (abuses the purpose of self as a gift for the spouse), but it also has a second, more literal meaning.\nMen who have been exposed to porn as boys might have many different reasons for continually seeking out more of the images or videos they saw as boys.\nThe fantasy (story) offers relief/release from a specific stressor The porn allows a controllable environment to explore the dynamics of some trauma The neurochemical effects of masturbating to porn is a reliable form of regulation There\u0026rsquo;s an emotional attachment to a specific kind of porn because of the context of first exposure A self-hatred bias is confirmed when viewing porn and committing self-abuse as a form of punishment All of these reasons are explored in some detail in the book, and what they all seem to have in common is the process of pain.\nAffective maturity is a man\u0026rsquo;s ability to understand and manage his emotions responsibly. One characteristic of having a high affective maturity level is the ability to have a realistic understanding of pain without catastrophizing its significance, and then being able to process it in a healthy way (talking about it with a friend, doing a soothing activity like soaking in a hot bath, letting the stressor go by entrusting all to God in prayer, et cetera).\nIn the absence of affective maturity, as with a man whose emotional development was stunted by pornography, pain is easily catastrophized so that it feels unbearable. The desire for a soother is rocketed to a level where the above solutions feel insufficient, or simply feel too foreign. Relational growth feels impossible as the only desired relationship is for bonding to porn, and the feelings of shame feel like they\u0026rsquo;re visible on the outside so there\u0026rsquo;s a desire to avoid being seen by others. Internally, all other sources of pleasure feel dull and the scope of pleasure is narrowed singularly to porn. Attempting to stop the behaviour feels like removing a leg from a table, or perhaps like an infant suddenly without his pacifier.\nDespite being able to function like a mature adult in other areas of life, the sex addict has the affective maturity of a child. This isn\u0026rsquo;t to insult the addict, but to emphasize how Drew\u0026rsquo;s statement hits the nail squarely on the head: Heal the Boy to Free the Man.\nHow Does Healing Happen? Indeed, the answer to this question is effectively the remaining nine chapters of the book.\nJust like how possessing affective maturity involves understanding one\u0026rsquo;s own pain, Outgrow Porn contains many helpful insights and lessons in learning to understand the reasons why you desire porn. It contains explanations for the biological processes of regulation (the feeling of either being hyperaroused, or wanting to numb out, right before a porn session), guides the reader through deconstructing his fantasies in order to understand what his desires are telling him, and suggests how to redirect those desires so they can be fulfilled more effectively outside of porn than inside it.\nPerhaps the most important thing Outgrow Porn will do for the reader though is teach self-compassion. I believe there isn\u0026rsquo;t a porn/sex addict anywhere in the world who doesn\u0026rsquo;t hold some level of self-hatred or shame over his addiction, past rejections, feelings of unwantedness, or something else.\nJay Stringer said:\n\u0026ldquo;Yet deep down, we never stop longing for a compassionate witness—someone who sees us, who can attune to our pain, grieve alongside us, and celebrate our growth, helping us believe that trauma does not have the last word.\u0026rdquo; 2\nThe way Drew writes, it\u0026rsquo;s impossible to read Outgrow Porn without feeling like Drew is that compassionate witness who sees us, attunes to our pain, and grieves alongside us. And by the end of the book, as he congratulates us for reaching the last page, celebrates our growth and helps us believe trauma doesn\u0026rsquo;t have the last word.\nBe kind to yourself. Self-kindness is the first step to no longer being an addict.\nVerdict Outgrow Porn is an easy recommendation.\nYou can buy it here: https://a.co/d/09myswRy (non-affiliate link)\nIf you can\u0026rsquo;t afford it, here\u0026rsquo;s a link to a podcast episode which covers the first two chapters of the book and bits and pieces of other chapters: https://podcast.husbandmaterial.com/713910/episodes/5499751-how-to-outgrow-porn-intro-to-hma\nhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1pQfGD_MQI\u0026#160;\u0026#x21a9;\u0026#xfe0e;\nhttps://www.facebook.com/JayStringerUnwanted/photos/after-trauma-the-journey-back-to-relationships-feels-fraught-with-risk-yet-deep-/1480934330701424/\u0026#160;\u0026#x21a9;\u0026#xfe0e;\n","permalink":"https://jake.pluckeye.net/outgrow-porn/","summary":"\u003cp\u003eIn a 2012 interview, Dr. Patrick Carnes (the man who coined the term \u003cem\u003esex addiction\u003c/em\u003e)\nrelated a story about a patient who had been exposed to pornographic pictures as a young boy,\nand that man would continue to seek out the same kinds of pornography he saw in those pictures\nfor years. Dr. Carnes stated that this man\u0026rsquo;s emotional development was stunted at the age when\nhe first encountered those pictures and continued to seek them out. \u003csup id=\"fnref:1\"\u003e\u003ca href=\"#fn:1\" class=\"footnote-ref\" role=\"doc-noteref\"\u003e1\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/sup\u003e\u003c/p\u003e","title":"Review of Drew Boa's \"Outgrow Porn\""},{"content":"This guide is for Android specifically which assumes you have a smartphone or tablet of some kind, but before we really get into Android we should first consider the simplest line of attack. Do you need the device you have?\nSetting up a device can be a hassle, and if you have no other option it can feel like a blessing when you finally have the device configured with robust safety controls. But you might be able to breathe the same sigh of relief for a fraction of the effort. As Jared Henderson says, sometimes there\u0026rsquo;s a physical solution to a technical problem.\nIf you\u0026rsquo;re open to selling your Android device and getting a basic phone instead, skip ahead to the alternative options section.\nNow, on with our show.\nWhat You Need Andoff Safe Browser w/ Plucky A recent backup of your important data Setup Process Part 1: Andoff A video of this part of the setup process is viewable on https://getplucky.net/andoff\nA written guide is available at https://docs.andoff.one/how-to-install\nFactory reset the device When you\u0026rsquo;re at the first-time setup screen, tap on the screen until you enter QR Code mode Point the camera to scan this QR Code Proceed through the remaining first-time setup steps like normal Part 2: Safe Browser Install Edge from the Play Store Launch Andoff \u0026gt; tap the center of the screen until you get the green checkmark Tap on the gear icon in the top-right corner to get to the settings screen Scroll down to the login section and sign in to your Plucky account (or create one now if you haven\u0026rsquo;t yet) Upgrade to the newest version of Andoff using the Check for update button a bit farther down Toggle Advanced Mode for later Before moving on, also take some time to make sure your device is configured the way you like by restoring as much of your backed up data as possible and re-installing apps, special keyboards, etc.\nIf you\u0026rsquo;re setting this device up for a child and you want monitoring software, install it now.\nPart 3: Harden Settings Finally it\u0026rsquo;s time to lock-in so the device settings can\u0026rsquo;t be easily changed.\nLaunch Andoff Toggle Install Plucky in supported browsers (this makes Edge safe) On the same screen, toggle the reset prevention options and set new installs to Smart Mode Tap on the Apps button in Andoff, and set each app\u0026rsquo;s status the way you\u0026rsquo;d like. Make sure to block any browsers that aren\u0026rsquo;t safe like Edge You can also protect any apps you don\u0026rsquo;t want to be uninstalled, such as monitoring software Go back to the settings screen and set a locking mechanism (either a delay or password) Part 4: Plucky Configuration Edge is now forcefully filtered by Plucky, but Plucky isn\u0026rsquo;t configured yet.\nLaunch Edge and go to https://u.pluckeye.net/configurations/classic-android Tap on Import and select your config (usually called main) Edge now blocks images and videos by default Set a config delay to lock the Plucky settings as well Done! Getting Help If you\u0026rsquo;re having trouble with the setup process, or don\u0026rsquo;t know how to configure Plucky to filter Edge, here are some helpful links:\nhttps://docs.andoff.one/just-installed https://docs.pluckeye.net/help https://docs.pluckeye.net/faq https://docs.pluckeye.net/tips Provide feedback about this guide by clicking here.\nAlternative Options Click to expand for more info on each list item\nWisephone 🇺🇸 🇨🇦 The Wisephone is a minimalist Android phone that is designed to maximize your life by minimizing your device. A very effective option. Light Phone 🇺🇸 🇨🇦 Light Phone, \"A simple 4G phone with e-ink, messaging \u0026 other essential tools – a phone that actually respects you.\" Tracfone 🇺🇸 🇵🇷 🇻🇮 Tracfone National Coverage No long term contract Choose a plan based on how much talking you do The Phone Rated site wants to help you select the Dumb Phone style that is best for you. Scroll part way down the page, and look on the right for the Regular 'dumb' phone only Jitterbug 🇺🇸 Jitterbug Nationwide service with no long-distance or roaming fees No long-term contract - cancel anytime Choose your plan based on how much talking you do. Snapfōn 🇺🇸 Snapfōn Use website to check coverage, but it is described as nationwide The length of the contract was unclear without reading details Choose a plan based on how much talking you do. 3 texts=1 minute of talk Handset replacement protection is built into the plan Consumer Cellular 🇺🇸 Consumer Cellular Nationwide coverage No long-term contract Choose a plan based on how much talking you do Savings for 2 or more phones ","permalink":"https://jake.pluckeye.net/android/","summary":"\u003cp\u003eThis guide is for Android specifically which assumes you have a smartphone or\ntablet of some kind, but before we really get into Android we should first consider\nthe simplest line of attack. \u003cem\u003eDo you \u003cu\u003eneed\u003c/u\u003e the device you have?\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSetting up a device can be a hassle, and if you have no other option it can feel\nlike a blessing when you finally have the device configured with robust safety\ncontrols. But you might be able to breathe the same sigh of relief for a fraction\nof the effort. As Jared Henderson says, \u003cem\u003e\u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syC94X5LBIc\u0026amp;t=1540s\"\u003esometimes there\u0026rsquo;s a physical solution\nto a technical problem\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/em\u003e.\u003c/p\u003e","title":"How to Block All Porn on Android"},{"content":"When I first started learning how to use Linux more than a decade ago, I quickly encountered a phrase that you\u0026rsquo;ve no doubt seen as well if you\u0026rsquo;ve ever spent a day in the Linux community—RTFM, or Read the Flipping Manual.\nBack then I used to think, like you probably do now, that such a phrase is dismissive, rude, and reinforces a stereotype of elitism held by gatekeepers who don\u0026rsquo;t want to help.\nMy mind changed a few years ago when I started writing pages for a software manual.\nImagine you\u0026rsquo;re an expert at something and your head is filled with answers to all kinds of questions people have. You desire to help everyone, so you answer each and every question posed at you. Over time, after answering many questions, you notice that no one is actually asking anything new. Every question is the same as another question you\u0026rsquo;ve been asked before—maybe dozens of time before.\nWhat do you do?\nIf effectively every question has been asked (most of the time, people have particular details that change but the fundamental details remain the same) what is the best way to help as many people as possible? Surely, it must be to categorize each question, craft an optimized answer just general enough to be self-relatable, include specific examples showing how the general answer is translated to a specific use, and finally, publish that information freely for the world to use whenever it\u0026rsquo;s needed.\nIt\u0026rsquo;s a great idea. The only problem with it is no one reads anything.\n2005 Toyota Camry Auto-Lock Situation In September 2017, a Reddit user posted to the /r/Camry subreddit with a question about his vehicle. 1 His 2005 Camry auto-locked while he was checking his trunk. The keys were in the ignition, the car was running, and all the doors were closed. He was outside his car for 30 seconds so the vehicle\u0026rsquo;s auto-lock feature kicked in and he was stuck, locked out of his car and his house.\nResponses ranged across the board.\nOne user expressed his sympathy, because it happened to him too Another suggested it was not the car, but an aftermarket security alarm causing the problem Another said he has the same model and it doesn\u0026rsquo;t do that Another suggested taking it to the dealer to see if it can be disabled Another still said it\u0026rsquo;s not possible to disable the feature The post stayed up for over 8 years, and no one, at any point, suggested checking the car\u0026rsquo;s manual.\nFinally, in April 2025 a user posted the answer everyone annoyed by the auto-lock feature was looking for. His description of what to do perfectly matched the steps outlined on page 25 of the manual (although he didn\u0026rsquo;t reference it, perhaps because he learned it from someone else instead).\nThe answer was received like a sweet gift from Heaven.\n\u0026ldquo;Yo. This right here. Thank you. I have hated this feature in my car for 20 years and have recently moved to an area where I no longer need to lock my doors. It seems small, but when you put the car in park and all of the doors remain locked it’s so annoying but this disabled the auto lock feature 🙌😎✌🏻✌🏻\u0026rdquo;\nA Reddit user, who waited 20 years for the answer to be posted to Reddit rather than reading the manual 2\nRENT-A-HITMAN rentahitman.com is a satire site which is written like the author is a character from The Sopranos, has jokes everywhere—including bulk discount pricing if you place hits on more than 3 people at a time, and even calls itself satire in multiple places.\nThis doesn\u0026rsquo;t stop some people from missing the joke, however.\nThe site\u0026rsquo;s operator, Robert Innes, has the following disclaimer on the contact page:\nBy submitting this application, you acknowledge that Rent-A-Hitman: Your Point \u0026amp; Click Solution is a legal parody website and does not condone or engage in illegal activities. Any real or incriminating requests will be promptly forwarded to law enforcement.\nDespite this, he routinely receives real applications from people seeking to hire his services, or looking for employment themselves. One former military guardsman had his job application forwarded to the FBI, and he now faces up to 10 years in prison if convicted of his charges. 3\nPlucky I have a lot of stories. Too many to consider even sorting through all of them and trying to make a coherent point that summarizes like the examples above.\nI\u0026rsquo;ll just say that my favourite support case I\u0026rsquo;ve ever responded to was someone who was disturbed at how much Plucky was blocking, and how \u0026lsquo;all I wanted was for Plucky to do [exactly what the wimpy config is made for]\u0026rsquo;.\nAfter I explained this detail to him and asked why he didn\u0026rsquo;t choose wimpy over classic when he did his initial configuration, he told me, \u0026lsquo;because I ain\u0026rsquo;t no wimp!\u0026rsquo;\nFair enough.\nIs it True that No One Reads Anything? Not exactly.\nPeople read some things—like the guy who read the Reddit post that simply took information from his car manual and made it into a Reddit post.\nThere\u0026rsquo;s this line from the movie Fight Club that, paraphrasing, says people aren\u0026rsquo;t listening, they\u0026rsquo;re just waiting for their turn to speak.\nIs it the same thing with reading? Do people just want to ask a question, and only read information that seems to be the direct answer to their question, rather than seeking someone else\u0026rsquo;s question in a manual and then thinking a little bit about how to apply it to their specific situation?\nAm I sounding more angry about this than I should be?\nLet me put it this way then:\nI WTFM because I want people to RTFM. It\u0026rsquo;s not because I don\u0026rsquo;t want to help you. It\u0026rsquo;s because I want to help everyone.\nIf that makes sense, and you have any ideas, would you please tell me how to make someone more inclined to read?\nActually, forget it. You read this entire post; you\u0026rsquo;re not my target audience.\nhttps://www.reddit.com/r/Camry/comments/70hs8h/how_do_i_disable_autolock_feature_when_car_is_off/\u0026#160;\u0026#x21a9;\u0026#xfe0e;\nIbid.\u0026#160;\u0026#x21a9;\u0026#xfe0e;\nhttps://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/apr/18/fbi-would-be-hitman-arrested\u0026#160;\u0026#x21a9;\u0026#xfe0e;\n","permalink":"https://jake.pluckeye.net/no-one-reads-anything/","summary":"\u003cp\u003eWhen I first started learning how to use Linux more than a decade ago, I quickly encountered a phrase that you\u0026rsquo;ve no doubt seen as well if you\u0026rsquo;ve ever spent a day in the Linux community—\u003cstrong\u003eRTFM\u003c/strong\u003e, or \u003cem\u003eRead the Flipping Manual\u003c/em\u003e.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBack then I used to think, like you probably do now, that such a phrase is dismissive, rude, and reinforces a stereotype of elitism held by gatekeepers who don\u0026rsquo;t want to help.\u003c/p\u003e","title":"No One Reads Anything"},{"content":"In 2012, TEDxGlasgow hosted a talk called The Great Porn Experiment by a man named Gary Wilson. In this talk, Wilson\u0026ndash;an adjunct lecturer of biology at Oregon State University\u0026ndash;would present a case for the view that Internet pornography has stolen a generation of young men through addiction.\nTwo years later in 2014, Gary would publish a book that went into far greater detail than his TED talk. The book, Your Brain on Porn: Internet Pornography and the Emerging Science of Addiction, explores the neuroscience of addicion and intersplices quotes from NoFap (a forum for non-religious porn addicts) that typically confirm or elaborate on the various points presented throughout the book. Basically, Gary\u0026rsquo;s book explains what the science says about porn addiction, and then underscores the point with firsthand accounts from his collection of quotes from NoFap users.\nThe formula can make for a very easy and enjoyable read. But is it worth your time to read?\nAs I alluded to earlier, NoFap is primarily followed by non-religious people. Wilson was no exception, considering himself an atheist and approaching the topic through a secular lens rather than any religious or moral motivations. While I don\u0026rsquo;t believe his lack of religious or moral motivations made anything he said about the science of porn addiction incorrect, it certainly seems to have left the book impoverished. Let me explain.\nFor one, the book is written in a way that seems to suggest the primary (or only) problem with a porn addiction is the effect it has on the addict. Erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, depression, low self-esteem, etc.\nI don\u0026rsquo;t recall the book ever expressing concern for the wellbeing of porn performers, victims of sex trafficking, victims of \u0026lsquo;revenge porn\u0026rsquo;, and children who suffer abuse by a relative with a porn addiction.\nHe occassionally mentions the impact porn might have on relationships, but not from the perspective of spouses who have sufferred from betryal trauma.\nTo be fair to Wilson, he doesn\u0026rsquo;t have to write a book that is everything to everyone. It\u0026rsquo;s his book, and he can address a single problem from a single angle if he wants to. But the problems don\u0026rsquo;t end there\u0026hellip;\nReturning to the troubles of the addict, the book also fails to address the problem of porn within a framework of sexual brokenness, instead viewing the problem as merely one of failure to self-regulate. The consequence of failing to identify the real problem, as you\u0026rsquo;d expect, leads to a cheap form of recovery where the addict pursues his sexual brokenness in other ways outside of porn, such as celebrating promiscuity and hookups.\nWhat the book does well, it does very well. Allow me to list its main points:\nPorn is really addictive Addiction physically changes your brain The brain can heal itself if you stop watching. Yippee! After hearing that, you can excuse yourself from reading the rest of the book. That\u0026rsquo;s really all you need to know. The only thing left to get out of it is unpacking the specific scientific reasons why the above list is true, but with some ugly, probably triggering quotes littered in-between.\nVerdict and Alternative Recommendation I do not recommend reading Wilson\u0026rsquo;s YBOP.\nInstead, for those seeking a non-religious book to argue against porn, as well as discuss the science supporting those arguments, I recommend Matt Fradd\u0026rsquo;s The Porn Myth: Exposing the Reality Behind the Fantasy of Pornography.\nFradd\u0026rsquo;s book does not suffer from the poverty described above. It offers a more complete package, including compassion for betrayed spouses and making the humanity of the victims of the porn industry visible. These points are not included as mere platitudes, but are an essential part of healing the sexual brokenness of the porn addict.\nFor a detailed summary of the key points of YBOP, I recommend seeing Ben from Tech Lockdown\u0026rsquo;s notes here.\n","permalink":"https://jake.pluckeye.net/your-brain-on-porn/","summary":"\u003cp\u003eIn 2012, \u003cstrong\u003eTEDxGlasgow\u003c/strong\u003e hosted a talk called\n\u003cem\u003e\u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU\"\u003eThe Great Porn Experiment\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/em\u003e\nby a man named Gary Wilson. In this talk, Wilson\u0026ndash;an adjunct lecturer of biology\nat Oregon State University\u0026ndash;would present a case for the view that Internet\npornography has stolen a generation of young men through addiction.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eTwo years later in 2014, Gary would publish a book that went into far greater\ndetail than his TED talk. The book, \u003cem\u003eYour Brain on Porn: Internet Pornography\nand the Emerging Science of Addiction\u003c/em\u003e, explores the neuroscience of addicion\nand intersplices quotes from NoFap (a forum for non-religious porn addicts) that\ntypically confirm or elaborate on the various points presented throughout the\nbook. Basically, Gary\u0026rsquo;s book explains what the science says about porn\naddiction, and then underscores the point with firsthand accounts from\nhis collection of quotes from NoFap users.\u003c/p\u003e","title":"Review of Gary Wilson's \"Your Brain on Porn\""},{"content":"I\u0026rsquo;ve noticed a rather commonly held belief among men who flock to porn recovery forums. It seems many of these men, particularly the college-aged variety, regard it as a healthy behaviour and a sure-sign of recovery to hook up with strangers or people they barely know for sex (as an alternative to using porn).\nWhenever I come across such posts, I\u0026rsquo;m always skeptical of two things: one of the author\u0026rsquo;s authenticity, and two of his sincerity.\nI\u0026rsquo;m being sensible enough on that first point, right? I mean, no one ever lies on the Internet. At the same time, you might find it odd that I would ever doubt the sincerity of a college-aged male claiming to have enjoyed the sexual company of a young woman. Such a claim goes against common sense, sure. But you might be surprised to learn the doubt I\u0026rsquo;m posing is statistically in my favour.\nWhen researchers administered a questionnaire to 187 college students seeking to know more about their feelings toward hookup culture, only 5% said they felt proud, and 2% said they felt desirable or wanted. 1\nThere are a few possible interpretations to be made about the poster based on the data:\nThe poster is lying about the event happening The poster is lying about his feelings The poster belongs to the 5% The first two interpretations would be preferable as, in the case of the third interpretation, it\u0026rsquo;s statistically likely that his disposable partner belongs to the 98% that felt undesirable and unwanted while he boasts about his conquests to strangers on the Internet.\nIt seems to me that men who make these posts on recovery forums haven\u0026rsquo;t recovered at all, but merely moved from one false pleasure to another. The danger is that they seem to truly believe this is a sign of healing.\nIn my opinion, the primary problem with pornography (and therefore the sine qua non of recovery from its effects) is that, like most sins, it takes a holy desire from God and pursues it in a disordered and false way.\nConsider this observation from C.S. Lewis:\n\u0026ldquo;We use a most unfortunate idiom when we say, of a lustful man prowling the streets, that he \u0026ldquo;wants a woman\u0026rdquo;. Strictly speaking, a woman is just what he does not want. He wants a pleasure for which a woman happens to be the necessary piece of apparatus. How much he cares about the woman as such may be gauged by his attitude to her five minutes after fruition (one does not keep the carton after one has smoked the cigarettes). Now Eros makes a man really want, not a woman, but one particular woman. In some mysterious but quite indisputable fashion the lover desires the Beloved herself, not the pleasure she can give.\u0026rdquo; 2\nIf a man has trained himself for years to take pleasure from consuming women\u0026rsquo;s bodies through his computer or phone screen, and if he thinks the fault with this behaviour is not how it\u0026rsquo;s wrong in the way women are treated, but only wrong in that it causes him erectile dysfunction, it\u0026rsquo;s a logical progression that he would not find fault in his behaviour towards women by hooking up.\nIn fact, all he has done is moved from masturbating with his hand to masturbating with a woman\u0026rsquo;s body.\nE.L. Paul and K.E. Hayes, \u0026ldquo;The Casualties of \u0026lsquo;Casual\u0026rsquo; Sex: A Qualitative Exploration of The Phenomenology of College Students\u0026rsquo; Hookups,\u0026rdquo; Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 19 (2002): 639-61\u0026#160;\u0026#x21a9;\u0026#xfe0e;\nC.S. Lewis, \u0026ldquo;The Four Loves\u0026rdquo; (1960): 109-10\u0026#160;\u0026#x21a9;\u0026#xfe0e;\n","permalink":"https://jake.pluckeye.net/one-false-pleasure-to-another/","summary":"\u003cp\u003eI\u0026rsquo;ve noticed a rather commonly held belief among men who flock to porn recovery\nforums. It seems many of these men, particularly the college-aged variety,\nregard it as a healthy behaviour and a sure-sign of recovery to hook up with\nstrangers or people they barely know for sex (as an alternative to using porn).\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWhenever I come across such posts, I\u0026rsquo;m always skeptical of two things: \u003cem\u003eone\u003c/em\u003e\nof the author\u0026rsquo;s \u003cstrong\u003eauthenticity\u003c/strong\u003e, and \u003cem\u003etwo\u003c/em\u003e of his \u003cstrong\u003esincerity\u003c/strong\u003e.\u003c/p\u003e","title":"One False Pleasure to Another"},{"content":"In the battle Christians wage against the present darkness, 1 there are few enemies of the soul that measure up like the Internet pornography machine. But scripture tells us that where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more. 2 Truly we have seen this in the outpouring of support resources and digital health tools provided by people who care.\nAmong these aids, Internet filters are quite popular because they make sense – remove the bad parts of the Internet without removing the good – and also because they offer people the sane option of living in a culture enmeshed with the Internet without losing their soul. 3\nHowever, it must be noted that not all apps under the umbrella of “Internet filter” operate in the same way or with the same end-goal–some don’t even filter at all.\nLet us separate these apps into two types: accountability software and Internet filters.\nAccountability software Accountability software attempts to bring the idea of an accountability partner or group into one’s online activity by using a combination of monitoring and reporting. Some accountability software offer filtering as an option secondary to the main purpose of the product, and some don’t offer filtering at all.\nInternet filters Unlike accountability software, Internet filters are not primarily designed for monitoring and reporting but instead filtering out content from the device’s network activity.\nFilters can work in different ways to offer different features, but the essential thing they have in common is the filtering part.\nThe target audience of the product is important In addition to separating accountability software and Internet filters, they can (and should) be further broken down by the target audience they are designed for.\nFor example, if the target audience of an accountability software product is a normal adult, the exclusion of a filtering option may be just fine. But if the same product is targeted towards children or addicts, it may be seen as lacking a needed feature.\nHere is a breakdown of the different kinds of products with their target audiences in mind:\nParental control Often a combination of filtering, time control, monitoring and reporting. Designed for parents to protect their children’s devices and possibly put time limits on them. Network security Primarily filtering (perhaps also monitoring/reporting) for schools, corporations, industries. Designed to help system administrators keep security threats out of networks but can also be used to block non-productive categories of sites such as porn. Self-control Primarily filtering; monitoring/reporting to an accountability partner can be a secondary feature, but filtering is the essential angle of the product. Designed for individuals (usually adults who are addicts) to prevent access to addictive content including porn, gaming, gambling, social media, etc. Notice that parental control software is set up by parents but is technically used by children, and network security software is set up by system administrators but is used by students/employees. Self-control software differs because it’s both set up and used by the same individual.\nSo… which one should I use? Whether you should install accountability software, an Internet filter, both, or something else depends on who the target audience is.\nIf you are a parent and want to protect your children’s innocence, a filter seems absolutely necessary. Accountability software can be (and maybe should be) used as a complement to the filter. This isn’t an unusual practice; Accountable2You, one of the top accountability software on the market, promotes the option on their website. 4\nIf you are an addict seeking freedom, then self-control software is essential, and good filtering is needed. Accountability would likely help in reality-checking the false beliefs instilled by addiction, but whether accountability software is needed to support that accountability or not is up to discretion.\nIf you are a spouse or accountability partner doing research into different products on the market that might make you better able to support your loved one, accountability software might be what you are looking for, and an Internet filter might complement the accountability software.\nIt also helps to ask questions like:\nIs monitoring and reporting important? Do I want to have conversations about how (I/someone else) is using the device? Is filtering too “parental” when the goal is to be a good accountability partner? Is filtering absolutely necessary as the first line of defense? Is accountability absolutely necessary to cultivate a proper mindset? Is accountability software a natural way to build and maintain accountability? As you form together an idea of what your digital solution should look like, you can visit https://blockers.xbuilders.org/ for a list of candidate products that can be sorted using the terms in this article (parent, addict, filtering, etc.) as search tags.\nEphesians 6:12\u0026#160;\u0026#x21a9;\u0026#xfe0e;\nRomans 5:20\u0026#160;\u0026#x21a9;\u0026#xfe0e;\nMatthew 16:26, John 17:15\u0026#160;\u0026#x21a9;\u0026#xfe0e;\nhttps://accountable2you.com/features/\u0026#160;\u0026#x21a9;\u0026#xfe0e;\n","permalink":"https://jake.pluckeye.net/should-i-install-accountability-software-an-internet-filter-both-or-something-else/","summary":"\u003cp\u003eIn the battle Christians wage against the present darkness, \u003csup id=\"fnref:1\"\u003e\u003ca href=\"#fn:1\" class=\"footnote-ref\" role=\"doc-noteref\"\u003e1\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/sup\u003e\nthere are few enemies of the soul that measure up like the Internet pornography machine.\nBut scripture tells us that where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more. \u003csup id=\"fnref:2\"\u003e\u003ca href=\"#fn:2\" class=\"footnote-ref\" role=\"doc-noteref\"\u003e2\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/sup\u003e\nTruly we have seen this in the outpouring of \u003ca href=\"https://resources.pluckeye.net/resources\"\u003esupport resources\u003c/a\u003e\nand \u003ca href=\"https://blockers.xbuilders.org/\"\u003edigital health tools\u003c/a\u003e provided by people who care.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAmong these aids, Internet filters are quite popular because they make sense –\nremove the bad parts of the Internet without removing the good – and also because they offer\npeople the sane option of living in a culture enmeshed with the Internet without losing their soul. \u003csup id=\"fnref:3\"\u003e\u003ca href=\"#fn:3\" class=\"footnote-ref\" role=\"doc-noteref\"\u003e3\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/sup\u003e\u003c/p\u003e","title":"Should I install accountability software, an Internet filter, both, or something else?"}]